ALIA'S POV

"Oi, kaha ja rahi hai?" I asked, folding my arms. ("Hey, where are you going?")

I watched Ruhi rummage through her closet, eyebrows furrowed as she inspected her outfits.

"Date pe," she replied nonchalantly, barely sparing me a glance as she ironed her dress. ("On a date.")

I scoffed, eyeing the neatly pressed dress in her hand.

"Oo achha!" I nodded, then suddenly froze. ("Oh really!")

Wait a second.

"Waittt, tera toh ek hafte pehle hi breakup hua tha na? Phir kis ke saath ja rahi hai date pe?" My eyes widened in confusion. ("Wait, didn't you just break up a week ago? Then who are you going on a date with?")

Ruhi shrugged. "Woh, main date se aane ke baad bataungi." ("I'll tell you after I come back from the date.")

I gasped dramatically. "Heinnn, woh kyun bhala? Abhi bata koun hai woh? Koun ban ne wala hai humara jiju 2.0?" ("What? Why not now? Tell me who he is! Who's going to be our brother-in-law 2.0?")

I flopped onto her bed, eager for the gossip.

But she only smirked. "Date ke baad bataungi, dekhte hain kaise jata hai. Uske baad conclusion dungi." ("I'll tell you after the date, let's see how it goes. I'll give my final verdict after that.")

I groaned. "Par kyun yaar, abhi bata de at least uski shakal dekh ke toh main predict kar sakti hoon date kaisa jayega. Khamkha itna saaz-shaz karke jayegi, phir sada hua shakal leke wapas ayegi." ("But why, yaar? At least show me his face, I can predict how the date will go just by looking at him. You'll get all dolled up for nothing and then come back looking miserable.")

"Nahi, matlab nahi." She dismissed me. ("No means no.")

I pouted. "Arey, bata na, uwaahhh! Agar banda acha na nikla toh hum teeno ek saath hangout karne ka sochte hain." ("Come on, tell meee! If he doesn't turn out to be good enough, we three can plan a hangout instead.")

She shot me a glare. "Nahi, tum dono humesha jinx kar deti ho." ("No, you both always jinx it.")

I clutched my chest in mock horror. "Astagfirullah, aise bolegi tu apni chudail se? Hayee Allah, yeh din dekhne ke liye mujhe apne yahan bheja tha." ("Oh God, will you talk to your witch like this? Oh Allah, was I sent to this world just to see this day?")

Ruhi rolled her eyes. "Bas kar, apni nautanki band kar." ("Stop it, quit your drama.")

I sighed. "Chal theek hai, maat bata, aane ke baad poori story sun lenge. Lekin haan, pichle baar ki tarah chomu, toxic, red flag se mat pat jana." ("Okay fine, don't tell me now, but we will get the full story when you return. Just don't fall for a dumb, toxic, red flag guy again like last time.")

Ruhi huffed. "Haan tu yeh hi kar le pehle, chudail. Tu aur Mannat humesha aise karte ho." ("Oh yeah, like you're any better, witch. You and Mannat always do this.")

She threw her hands up in frustration. "Koi bhi banda dikhati ho tum dono, uss pe khot nikal dete ho. Upar se ghar se shaadi ka pressure. Aur yahan mere se ek banda nahi dhunda ja raha tum dono ke karan." ("No matter who I show you both, you always find flaws. On top of that, there's family pressure for marriage. And here I can't even find a single guy because of you two.")

I gasped. "Waah, ispe bhi hamari galti. Ab hum tera acha karne jaate hain, tune hume bura soch ke rakha hai." ("Wow, even this is our fault? We try to help you, and you think we're the bad ones.") I faked a sniffle, dabbing imaginary tears.

Ruhi groaned. "Chal oi, kali zubaan ki band karne apna drama studio." ("Shut your bad luck mouth and close your drama studio.")

Then she dramatically plopped onto the floor, pretending to cry.

"Aur dikkat yeh nahi ki tum dono ko bata ke jaati ho, dikkat hai tum dono jaise bolte ho, waise hi hota hai." ("And the problem isn't that I tell you guys, the problem is that whatever you guys say always comes true.")

I smirked. "Acha chal, koi na, yeh tarika bhi azma le. Hume na bata ke date pe chali ja. Aane ke baad full tea we needed." ("Okay fine, try this new method. Go on the date without telling us. But when you return, we need the full gossip.")

I extended a hand to pull her up.

Ruhi wiped her hands on her dress and muttered, "Chal ab makeup kar, de husn pari bana ke dena, banda pehle hi date pe flat ho jana chahiye." ("Do my makeup now, make me look like a beauty queen. The guy should be floored at first sight.")

I grinned. "Yes boss, jo hukum aapka." ("Yes, boss! Your wish is my command.")

Pulling her in front of the mirror, I grabbed my makeup brush and dramatically began, "Hello guys, welcome back to my channel 'Alia Ki Jhand Life' mein." ("Hello guys, welcome back to my channel 'Alia's messed-up life.'")

Ruhi groaned.

I continued in a mock YouTuber voice. "So, today I'm going to show you how to do first-date makeup. Jisse banda soche, 'Kaise mujhe tum mil gayi,' aur flat ho jaye, just like your flat hair jo ghar se bahar jaane ke waqt fus ho jati hai." ("So that the guy thinks, 'How did I get so lucky?' and gets mesmerized—just like how your straight hair puffs up as soon as you step outside.")

"Oo pagal aurat, yeh itna ganda YouTube intro dena zaroori tha?" she groaned, throwing her hairbrush at me. ("Oh crazy woman, was it necessary to give such a terrible YouTube intro?")

I yelped. "Ouch! Big boss, mujhe hurt ho rahi hai!" ("Ouch! Big Boss, I'm getting hurt!")

"Chup kar, apni nautanki band kar, aur makeup kar meri, nahi toh..." she threatened. ("Shut up, stop your drama and do my makeup, otherwise...")

Ruhi dramatically removed her slipper and waved it at me. "Warna main isse tere sar par marungi." ("Otherwise, I'll hit you on the head with this.")

I raised my hands in surrender, laughing. "Arey chill, main toh sirf mahol bana rahi thi." ("Relax, I was just setting the vibe.")

Then I grinned, picking up my brush. "Toh chaliye shuru karte hain." ("So let's begin.")

TO BE COUTINUE...